There has been a lot that has happened in the last couple of weeks. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me and I wish that I could take a break from school but I can't do that... Although my wish for that is pretty damned strong. But I have to rough it out and do school work while I'm feeling like this. Also I wish that I had a lot more money... or at least that I wasn't so careless with the money I had before, during, and after I went to Comic-Con. I wouldn't be in this mess. Also I wish that the people that owe me money would pay me back ASAP. Because I really need it. I'm low on cash and I shouldn't be. This is so bad. And on top of that I have to give my girlfriend $200. But originally it should be from the iPods that I sold. When in truth they have not paid me back. One is going to be paying back in interest once he graduates from Marines' boot camp. So I'm not worried about him but it's the girl that I'm worried about... She should be out getting a job and paying me back. Oh, I just remembered about that one other girl that I lent money to... Geez, how many people owe me? LOL
I wish that my job didn't demand so much of my time right now... even though it's only three days a week and 7 hour shift... I realized how little time i have to do everything and all the other things I want to do. I really need to preoritize my time and organize my shit.
On top of all that I'm having some trouble with my Girlfriend. She's been getting really mad at me lately and she lost complete trust in me. Because I wasn't thinking and responded wrongly to her. But I was thinking about all the money that has been leaving my hands. So of course I was going to be defensive about the amount of money that I was going to let go. I mean, $200 is a lot of dough. Right? You wouldn't want just anyone take that amount away from you. But yea... just because of that she doesn't trust me anymore. And she gets mad at me so easily now. I don't try to make her mad. It just happens. I'm sorry about it and I wish that I could make up for it. I'm trying my hardest to make it up to her and everything. I recently bought her custom message m&ms. and that was a chunk of money out of my wallet... and I had to buy another thing that was pretty costly but it was discounted. Still the price was a lot. I'm really scared about what's going to become of our relationship if I keep screwing up the way I have been. I know she still loves me but she has found more things that she dislikes about than what she likes about me. And to me that's a horrible sign. I don't want her to view me like that because that makes me wonder how she looks at me and our relationship. I don't want to lose her over something so small and I don't know... I just don't like it at all.. I'm so scared.. I'm stressing out over it a lot... I know that I shouldn't or whatever but I just don't know what I'd do without her in my life. I just want to go back in the past when we never fought or argued about stupid shit. And money. Especially money. And to make matters worse there's another girl that has what I lack. I don't want to look at my Lover as a Golddigger.. but sometimes I can't help it. It's just that this other girl is willing to give her money out on the limb because she can afford to. It just pisses me off when she said that to me.
people would say to just leave her and to find someone else, but I know her well enough that she wouldn't let go something that offers her something that another can't. I've been through a lot and I have put her through a lot. And I don't want all that hard work and emotion to waste.
I love her too much. I won't be able to live without her or with myself if she ever leaves me.
i dislike people who don't pay me up.
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